Politics that didn't Happen

In 2016, the UK realized they were loosing the war on terror as they found that kids as young as 4 where helping the extremists, inventing new forms of concealed explosives, known as "cucumber bombs", and designing plans for a "terrorist house".
Not afraid to taking action, the UK home secretary decided to reinforce extremism detection in schools, especially with younger children. The "No line left behind" act was passed, which put a heavy emphasis on the surveillance of pupils. Suspicious activities included misspelling words, drawing unrecognizable shapes that could be interpreted as some form or another of IED, or coloring outside the lines. But the results of the program shocked even those that put it in place.
It soon became clear that, having indulged in the above named suspicious behavior, a vast majority of britains youth was clearly on their way to blow up an airport, or other public and populated place of their choosing. Indeed, it seemed as if the whole populace of the country still in compulsory education was waiting for the chance to plunge the world into chaos. In response, the british government decided to change their school system.
Instead of compulsory education, british children are now subject to compulsory incarceration. The whole population aged 4 to 18 are put into prisons, where they are taught not to blow shit up, and trained educators try to get them to repent for their "original sin". The ministry of public education has recently anounced that the program was a huge success, with only a handful of potential criminals acutally managing to kill people once they got out, and the USA as well as Japan have announced that, following said success, they will implement similar policies.
A group of hardcore hippies keeps maintaining that putting kids in prison is not the right solution, but like every time before now, nobody gives a shit about those pot-smoking wackos.

Citation's that weren't Made

"The bad thing about going to sleep, is that sooner or later, you'll have to wake up."

    - Dalai-Lama

Summer Snow

Johnny boy was walking down the street, snot dropping off his nose. Spring was in the air, but so was winter, lingering around with nothing better to do. The mixture of pollen and cold had prevented Johnny from taking a breath through his nose for the last week, and he was getting sick of it. While everybody else lazed around in the warm sunshine, admiring the bright colors, he spent most of his time inside, trying to find the right combination of air-purifiers and indoor scents to get his truffle working properly again. He went about it as meticoulously as any scientist, but even after all these years, he hadn't found anything that worked. He had started to seriously consider the possibility that he was being sabotaged by the tissue industry. Right now, though, he had set out to resupply on said paper-squares, his mistrust of their creators forgotten for the moment.

He was making his way back a short while later, arms laden with kleenex, when it came to him. Like all brilliant insights, it started with a simple question mark. He looked at it hanging there, and wondered to what question it might belong. And when he found out, his lips split into a big smile. Of course, the answer was there all along. It might not be the most ethical solution, and it certainly wasn't legal. Then again, if you had to go up against saboteurs and industrial spies, no point insisting on the high road. And besides, it had a nice ring to it. Snow in summer.

Politics that didn't Happen

Much like the political processes of most countries, I'm sick, so no update today.
Unlike most countries' political processes, I should be back on track by friday.

Citations that weren't Made

"I'd rather be dead and buried than sick and alive."

Over&Out

John was sitting in front of the screen, his eyes two blurry red dots. His fingers moved sluggishly over the keyboard in search of the right sequence to type in. His eyelids flickered slightly as he read line after line of code, trying to spot his mistakes. A half-empty bottle of beer was losing the last of its bubbles next to his computer.

It had taken him a long time to get where he was. But he had started to think it might just be worth it. Sure, there were still a couple of points that needed fine-tuning. Constants to be adjusted, formulas to be overhauled, segfaults to be avoided. But on the whole, it seemed to work. He almost couldn't believe it. Conceptually sound. Never had two words sounded so beautiful. John smiled to himself. Soon, he thought, soon, he would let the world know about what he could do. Then it hit him. What about sleep?

Politics that didn't Happen

In 2016, the FBI was on a roll. Not content to take Apple and WhatsApp to court over encryption, although most tech experts agreed that it was a rather stupid idea, they also felt that school were, most definitely, a dangerous place for "freedom" (how exactly they define that word is unknown as of yet, seemingly varying from PR-release to PR-release). Indeed, the bureau feared that schools might become hotbeds of "terrorism" (same as "freedom"). Luckily for the american people, they came up with a solution.
Students (and teachers) expressing strong political opinions, criticising western governments or values, doubting capitalism, or defying current social norms, were "at risk", and should be reported to the relevant authorities.
Wether it was because of the flashy presidential campaign, or because after 9/11, americans had gained the reflex of nodding their head as soon as somebody used the word "terrorism" as a reason to do something, the FBI's new plan was put into place without much opposition. However, things did not turn out quite as expected.
Teenagers who were growing tired of swatting welcomed the new challenge, and, in the first school year after the implementation of their plan, the FBI received over a hundred thousand reports of abnormal behavior by students. As it turned out, most of those were false-flag operations by students against students, and such a strain on ressources that it seemd the FBI would be paralyzed if it did not suspend the program.
The bureau, however, did not back down, and decided that, instead of time-consuming investigations into the validity of accusations, it would simply consider that people who were reported to them had to have done something, and gave everybody a preventive jail sentence of at least six months.
Ten years later, the population of the U.S.A. shrunk from 300 to 100 million, mainly due to mass emigration. Of the remaining people, 10% are in the FBI, and 30% are in jail. But hey, no major terrorist attacks! (probably...)

Citations that weren't Made

"How come I'm always awake in my dreams, although I spend my days dreaming of going to sleep?"

    - Platon

Seafood surprise

John was smiling to himself as the water ran down his body. Nothing quite matched the feeling of a warm shower after a sweaty workout. He didn't particularly care for the macho-banter of his shower-mates, but it was a small price to pay for the slice of heaven he was now enjoying.

Stepping out from under the water was disappointing as always, and the smell of manly sweat hit him full force as he stepped into the locker room. A tangled mess of after-shave and hormone-laden bodily secretions that made him think of the results he had gotten when he decided to mix together all the ingredients of his chemistry kit as a kid. Nothing good could come of it.

He pulled on his boxers, his shirt and his pants, and sat down to take care of his socks. Then it happened. He straightened up and looked around. Was he going crazy, or did something in here really smell like boiled crab?

Politics that didn't Happen

Election results in numerous countries in 2015 and 2016 have made it clear that most people where sick and tired of the way the political process operated. This frustration benefitted mostly the hard-line underdog parties, mainly because they did not have a chance yet to fuck things up. However, in most cases, once given this chance in the following years, they did not do any better than their predecessors. In light of this development, many countries opted for a split in their political system.
On the one hand, they kept the already-present parties, and elections, with all their accompanying media-circus, continued as usual. However, the elected officials held no more power whatsoever. Election would be held for entertainment purposes only, and have no real influence on what concrete legislative and executive measures would be passed. These measures would instead be decided by a panel of experts in the concerned fields, made up of a random draw of academics and professionals.
At first, the results where promising. While professional politicians kept throwing around buzzwords that didn't make much sense, the expert panels could spend their time thinking of solutions instead of popular appeal. However, it did not take long for the selection process, as well as the discussions of the panels, to start suffering from massive corruption. And after a few years, it seems that we were back where we started: a couple of people making a big fuss on the screen, while the real decisions where made in the background, and in the interest of person or persons unknown.

Citations that weren't Made

"By doing what you need to do today, you're robbing tomorrow of its purpose."

    - On Procrastination, by Bilbo Baggins

Lawrence the rabbit

Lawrence wasn't a rabbit like the others. He was one of the big ones. Two meters in length, with front teeth longer than a human head, he was a fine specimen. But being tall and strong isn't what life is all about in the world of lagomorpha. And there was one thing about Lawrence that had made him an oddity since birth. He could only leap straight.

While his fellows were zigzagging all over the place, Lawrence would make a bee-line to where he was going. And that didn't go down well with the others. Outcast, ridiculed, heckled, he would often sit all alone on the edge of the prairie, wallowing in his misery.

One day, as he was just minding his own business as usual, the other rabbits made fun of him once more. “Lawrence, Lawrence, straight as an arrow. Can't make a turn, no matter how narrow!”, they would chant at him. But this time, he didn't just listen to them in silence.

“You're all so stupid!”, he yelled back. “Wherever we go, I always get there first. And also, I'm bigger than you. You're all just jealous, you idiots!” And then he ran away, straight over the prairie, as fast as he could. The other rabbits didn't chase him, because they knew they couldn't catch up.

As Lawrence finally couldn't run anymore, he lay down on the dry grass, his body heaving under his strained breathing. Just as he thought he might as well take a nap, he heard a wheezy voice from behind.

“Lawrence, Lawrence, Lawrence.”, the voice said, and he realized that it belonged to a hare so old, her fur had turned white. Her eyes were milky, but her gaze remained steady as she kept speaking. “It's true that you're big, and that the others can't catch up with you if you run straight. But the world is round anyway, so even if you always keep going straight, you'll end up in the same place again. And if you don't make any detours wherever you go, you'll miss all the fun.”

“You stupid old hare”, said Lawrence. “So you waited for me here just so you too could make fun of me?”

“No”, said the hare. “I came here to tell you something important. I hoped you would notice on your own, but since that doesn't seem to be the case, I'll just have to tell you myself.”

“Tell me what?”, said Lawrence. “What important thing could you know about me, anyway?”

“Lawrence,”, said the hare, “remember this well. Zigzags are just a lot of different straight lines put end to end.”

Politics that didn't Happen

I aplogize to those of you who like t
I aplogize to those of you who like their routine, but today's post is gonna be a little different than usual. Today, I do have to rant a bit.
You see, when I started this section of the blog, I thought it'd be fun to kind of take stuff over the top. Making the whole political landscape a bit more ridicoulous, having some fun with it and all that, instead of serious analysis or preachy op-ed pieces about whom should do what. After all, it's better to laugh about it than to cry, as they say. But here's the thing:
Politics, and I mean like, the real ones, have become so ridicoulous since I've strated this thing, that I find it harder each week to top the kind of craziness that goes on in the real world. Donald Trump is on his way to the presidency, thanks to a campaign consisting mainly of offensive remarks and flat out lies. France is in a perpetual state of emergency, making it a de-facto totalitarian police-state. People who commit war crimes get Nobel peace prizes. Coalitions drop bombs in the name of security. And although stuff just keeps on getting worse, the only thing we do is more of the same, in the hope that, at one point, it'll turn from making things worse to making things better. Seriously, you can't make that stuff up. And that's my problem.
So please, in consideration of those of us who try to come up with imaginative, crazy alternatives to the real world, utopian fantasies or dystopian nightmares, please try to make real world politics a bit more boring again. A bit more normal. Cause otherwise, I might just end up being a regular news reporter.
heir routine, but today's post is gonna be a little different than usual. Today, I do have to rant a bit.
You see, when I started this section of the blog, I thought it'd be fun to kind of take stuff over the top. Making the whole political landscape a bit more ridicoulous, having some fun with it and all that, instead of serious analysis or preachy op-ed pieces about whom should do what. After all, it's better to laugh about it than to cry, as they say. But here's the thing:
Politics, and I mean like, the real ones, have become so ridicoulous since I've strated this thing, that I find it harder each week to top the kind of craziness that goes on in the real world. Donald Trump is on his way to the presidency, thanks to a campaign consisting mainly of offensive remarks and flat out lies. France is in a perpetual state of emergency, making it a de-facto totalitarian police-state. People who commit war crimes get Nobel peace prizes. Coalitions drop bombs in the name of security. And although stuff just keeps on getting worse, the only thing we do is more of the same, in the hope that, at one point, it'll turn from making things worse to making things better. Seriously, you can't make that stuff up. And that's my problem.
So please, in consideration of those of us who try to come up with imaginative, crazy alternatives to the real world, utopian fantasies or dystopian nightmares, please try to make real world politics a bit more boring again. A bit more normal. Cause otherwise, I might just end up being a regular news reporter.