Animals that don't Exist

The Screaming Gerbil

The screaming gerbil, Gerbillus hawkins, is probably the most famous, if not the most loved, representative of the Gerbillinae subfamily. As its name indicates, it is renowned for its loud vocalization, especially pronounced during the mating season, in late spring.

Native to the middle east, screaming gerbils have had a profound effect on life in the region. It is even believed that their screams have inspired the calls to prayer for Muslims that can be heard all over the world today. But most of us do not hold the screaming gerbil in such high regard.

In 1954, when the gerbil was first introduced the U.S.A. for research purposes, its cuteness was universally admired, and soon, thousands of the animals where imported for sale. A large number of species was sampled, to find which would best satisfy customer needs, and the screaming gerbil was among them.

Sixty years later, their numbers are still growing, as the screaming gerbil is now the most common rodent in northern America. Sales of soundproof windows, and extra-insulated walls have skyrocketed, and yet there is still no escaping the omnipresent vocalizations of our rodent friends.

The department of animal immigration (DAI) has yet to start addressing the problem in any meaningful way. Meanwhile, all the presidential hopefuls have pledged to make the extermination of the rodents their number one priority. Like all of their predecessors.

Animals that don't Exist

The Pink Panther

The pink panther, Panthera rosa, is the only big cat native to Great Britain. Its name derives from the fact that it likes to patrol in the wee hours of dawn, when the sky is still pink, and not yet blue, and not, as is often assumed, because of the color of its pelt.

Rarely observed in the wild, and prone to rapid deaths in captivity, there are few facts known about the pink panther today. However, the elegance of its movements, the grace with which it hunts, and the power of its claws have long since inhabited the myths and legends of the United Kingdom. Sadly, there are a few places where the animals can be caught on film, even by a patient observer.

A few eccentrics among the British nobility have been fascinated by the creature, and turned their estates into nature reserves, in hopes of luring the animal there, and observing it. Although this initiative has had positive benefits on most of the ecosystems in the United Kingdom, it has not allowed for the observation of this peculiar feline. The pink panther, it seems, would rather keep its cover than claim its fame.

Focused

There is only one thing I am aiming for. Only one goal to reach. And whatever gets left behind does not matter. The is only one purpose, and as long as it is fulfilled, everything else is poppycock.

It feels good, the clarity that comes with a unique objective. All the vices can be indulged, all the insecurity vanishes, because there is only one thing that matters. Only one thing that has any value at all.

I fall into dark nights and foggy days, time rolling past silently. Weeks and month are left behind, struggling, hardly breathing, but there is no need to turn back. After all, that which is important lies ahead.

Animals that don't Exist

The Lightning Worm

The lightning worm, Amynthas adtonitus, is a close relative of the common earthworm, found primarily in the central plains of northern America. Venerated by native Indians as a magical creature in contact with the gods, the lightning worm inhabits mainly flat plains, with little or no tall-growing plants to attract lightning strikes.

When thunderstorms approach its burrow, the lightning worm will stick out its head, stretching it straight up into the air. Adult lightning worms can reach a height of up to fifty centimeters ( ~20 inches) from their burrow, with a total length of almost two meters (six feet). The goal of this behavior, of course, is to maximize the chances of being struck by lightning.

Due to a as-of-yet poorly understood mechanism, the lightning worm is able to transform the electric energy of lightning strikes into chemical energy that its metabolism can store and retrieve freely. The surge of electrical current generated is channeled by a specialized group of cells, called “generators”. This helps to minimize cell damage to other tissues of the worm, and assures that the current only comes into contact with cells that have the capability of transforming its electric charge into a difference in potential between the outer and inner cell membrane. This difference in potential, much like the one obtained in the photosystems of plants, will then be used to turn ADP into ATP using proton pumps (for a detailed explanation of this process, please refer to the wikipedia article on photosynthesis).

Although the electrical charge in itself is not enough to ensure the survival of the worms, since it does not give them the building bricks necessary to repair damaged cells, or grow, it is critical to their reproductive success. During their mating period, lightning worms spend most of their time defending their territory or copulating, and have almost no time to find food. The energy they can gain from a lightning strike can give them a definite advantage in their quest for progeny, and evolution has favored those genes that give them an advantage in attracting lightning strikes. This is one of the reasons why lightning worms live mostly in iron-rich soils. They are capable of extracting and storing the metal in special compartments in their head, which allows them to better capture lightning.

Due to the fact that his native habitat is unsuited for agriculture, the lightning worm has been little affected by human intervention in the past century, and even today, it is not uncommon to see hundreds of lightning worms sticking their head into the air in southern Arizona, in anticipation of an electric discharge.

Animals that don't Exist

The Sock Snake

The sock snake, Natrix socus, is native to most of Europe. Its name stems from its distinctive, and rather bizarre, feeding mechanism. The sock snake, unlike any other known species of snakes, eats mainly acari. Specifically, those on the feet of humans. The snake will also swallow any skin parasites, but few of them get digested.

When feeding, the snake will dislocated its jaw, and try and gob up the whole foot. Then it will slowly suck out the acari, and other small invertebrates. This is a long process, and the nutritional benefits are small, but the snakes' metabolism is slow, and doesn't need much food. And of course, it helps that their hosts are consenting.

The sock snakes have always been considered beneficial in Europe. Over time, they have been integrated into cultural and economic trends, becoming one of the trademarks of the old continent, much praised for their beneficial effects. For some reason, the snakes refuse to reproduce as soon as they are exported out of Europe, and it has been estimated that up to half the tourism to Europe from outside is due in part to the sock snakes.

Biologists stipulate that it was the beneficial effects the snakes had on human feet that allowed them to quickly spread through the continent, and flourish. Why they cannot reproduce anywhere else, though, is still a mystery.

Hotel Rooms and Scotch

The hotel room was adequate. Wooden floor, two windows, one TV. Two beds, freshly made. A comfortable armchair, a nice bathroom. The bathroom had no lock. But it didn't matter, since I had the room to myself.

I don't really like hotel rooms. They always seem very impersonal to me. Sterile. When I'm there with a friend, it doesn't really bother me. We bring our own dirt with us. But when I'm there alone, the feeling of emptiness amplifies.

There is too much space for my thoughts to spread out. Nothing that grabs my attention, that focuses my mind. I just wander around aimlessly, inside my head. Emotion well up without my bidding. Melancholy. Sadness, almost. But not quite.

She comes to mind. Unbidden, unavoidable, but welcome. Images linger in my brain. Her smile when she looks at me. Her smile when she watches a movie. Her smile when she is lying next to me. He smile when she is looking down on me. Her smile.

I can't recall her without seeing her smile. Of course, she doesn't always smile. Well, at least, I think so. But I can't imagine her otherwise. I wonder if it's the same for her ? I hope so.

It's not that I don't like thinking about her. I do. But it always reminds me that she isn't here. I could go to where she is, of course. But what then ? Love doesn't pay the bills. I need money to live, and so does she. I have projects I need to see through. Not for glory or fame, but because I need to be myself to be with her. Or so I feel.

There is nothing I can do, really, right now. So there should be no reason to feel so sad. There should be no reason to feel so guilty. But I can't stop. When I hear her voice over the phone, when I feel she is sad, or depressed, or angry, or tired, I want to be there with her. I want to take her into my arms. I want to show her that I'll be there, that I'm on her side. I want to show here that I care. Because if I don't, then how can she know ? How can she be sure ?

I'm still afraid. Afraid of making promises I won't keep. Afraid of saying words I won't be able to take back. Afraid of hurting her. Afraid of being hurt. But I can still feel my heart beating.

Animals that don't Exist

The Coiling Smoke

The coiling smoke, Escherichia coiling, is a little-known prokaryot that is found mainly in tobacco leaves. Due to its particular requirements regarding habitat, it has never been successfully cultivated as of yet, and the study of its life-cycle remains an arduous tasks.

Although the exact functioning of its metabolism are as of yet unknown, the coiling smoke has at least one impact on human society that can no longer be scientifically disputed: it makes cigarette smoke coil.

The study of cigarette smoke, and its physical properties, has been the subject of few studies, if we disregard those focused on its impact on health issue. Indeed, the physical aspects that make cigarette-smoke behave the way it does are very underrepresented in scientific literature, the most likely cause of which is that nobody really cares.

But, as history has taught us time and time again, the most interesting subjects are often those nobody cares about. It is with this spirit that Ai Shteru, of the Tokyo Institute for Who Knows? Maybe Someday Somebody Will Care (TIWK?MSSWC), has undertaken his study of cigarette-smoke.

After a number of tests on the exacts physical properties of cigarette-smoke, Dr. Shteru has found that, in the absence of E. coiling, cigarette smoke does not coil, whether it be the smoke released from the cigarette itself, or the one blown from the mouth of the smoker.

Whether this discovery will have any impact on the human understanding of physics remains yet to be seen. But before we ridicule this research as another abuse of scientific funding, let us not forget: Science is the pursuit of knowledge. Whether or not this knowledge will help humanity is the domain of politics. But until we know, we won't known whether knowing is worth it or not.