Animals that don't Exist

The Smart Banana

The smart banana, Musa intelligentes, is the only sentient species known today with which humans can easily communicate. With most other species, the real extent of their intellectual understanding of the world is very difficult to measure (even more so than with humans), especially since the absence of recognizable behaviors does not necessarily indicate a lack of brainpower. However, the smart banana is different.

It was in the late 00's that researchers at the Genetic Modification Plant (GMP, Senegal) discovered the unexpected genius. While dissecting the genome of a large number of banana species to find which would be the best candidate for genetic vaccination, they stumbled upon a rather unusual sequence of genes in some bananas. The monophyletic origin of those bananas was quickly established, and the team started studying in earnest.

It turns out that the gene sequence which first caught the scientist's attention was very similar to that responsible for neuronal growth in humans. After a detailed physical examination of the banana, it was discovered that it, too, had a large networks of synapses, which had gone completely unnoticed up until now because of the extremely reduced size of its components.

Soon thereafter, the team at GMP tried to analyze the banana's “brain activity”. To their surprise, it did not take long until they were able to communicate verbally with these surprising plants. The news traveled quickly in the scientific community, and people hoped this new “intelligent” being would be able to shed some light on the reasons and circumstances of our existence.

Sadly, it turned out that the smart bananas despise humans for the massacre of their species, as well as the other species of bananas. Luckily for us, being bananas, they can't exact their plans for revenge. But as a preventive measure, the U.N. has passed a legislation forcing all banana cultivators to analyze the genome of their plants, and eliminate all individuals belonging to Musa intelligentes, to avoid a possible mutation which would give them the power to act on their murderous impulses.