Politics that didn't Happen

At the beginning of 2015, against recomendations from the IMF, and despite an American veto, the UN decided to abolish the debts of all African nations.
In the years that followed, Africa went through a renaissance. Infrastructure, education and healthcare made amazing progress in very little time, and the economy quickly became independant from western powers. Under chinese influence, the African countries made sure to incorporate low-emissions and overall ecoogical considerations into their growth, and managed to quadruple GDP without significantly raising their emission levels.
In the meantime, the west suffered a heavy crisis, not so much because of the lost income from the abolished debts, but because of the increasing price of ressources that could before be bought for cheap from Africa. Western economies all but collapsed, and even now, they are still struggling with the aftermath of Africa rising.

Citations that weren't Made

"I love mondays!"

   - A psychologically damaged cat, 1996

Animals that don't Exist

The Brain Louse

The brain louse, Resistae cerebrali, unlike it's name suggests, is neither a louse, nor does it live exclusively in the brain. In fact, brain lice can be found along the entirety of the human nervous system, and possibly also in those of other animals.

The brain louse is, so far, the only member of the Resistae genus, a new branch of green algae with surprising characteristics, whose origin and evolution are as of yet poorly understood. The main difference between Resistae and other species of algae, or chlorophyllic lifeforms in general, is the way they get energy. Usually green algae, or plant cells, use the energy of the sunlight to power their cells, converting the electromagnetic waves that make up light into sugar, which can then be used by the rest of the organism. However, Resistae have a different, although similar, mechanism.

The cells of brain lice, instead of having photoreceptors, have electroreceptors which allow them to transform electrical surges into usable energy, and, subsequently, sugar. Which is why they have, so far, been found only on human nerve cells. They attach themselves to the “outer coating” (Schwann cells or similar) of neurons, and get energy off of the electric impulses from neural transmissions, while using nearby cells as construction materials. Of course, this is not without consequence for the infected host.

Although brain lice reproduce rather slowly (in comparison to most unicellular organisms), they can cover the whole nervous system in less than a year after the initial infection. If their host survives that long. The presence of brain lice can greatly reduce effectiveness of neural transmission, leading to loss of muscle control, and, when present in the cranium, brain function. If left untreated, the nervous system will ultimately be broken up, and the host will die.

Brain lice propagate mainly through sneezing, as well as sexual intercourse, but any close contact to important nerve centers (such as the genitalia, or buccal organs) can lead to contamination.

Although only discovered recently, it is believed that there are probably hundreds, if not thousands more species of Resistae, and OECD countries have recently founded the Insitute for the Research of Electric Parasites (IREP), who will focus mainly on the question of wheter or not Resistae species exist that use the electricity in modern tools or power plants, and what impact they have.

Your brain, it seems, will have to fend for itself for a little longer.

Politics that didn't Happen

In 2016, the bunny problem took on unprecedented proportions in Austriala. The imported animals had resisted all efforts to get rid of them, and where undermining the rabbit fence faster than it could be built. Thinking he might as well hit two targets with one strike, PM Tony Abott decided to remove all regulations or fines for companies that polluted the environment or had high CO2 emissions.
The move was condemned by the UN as well as neighbouring nations, but Abott asured australian citizens that it would boost the economy, and finally get rid of the rabbits. "We will get rid of those rodents, if its the last thing we do!", he said in a speech.
Political commentators have praised Abott for his long-term vision and his honesty. "Indeed", one of them said, "it will very probably be the last thing we do."

Citations that weren't Made

"There is no such thing as too much coffee. Although there can be not enough sugar..."

   - Soren Kierkegaard

Animals that don't Exist

The Climbing Hare

The climbing hare, Lepus scandus, is a species of rabbit that can be found exclusively in the Himalayan mountains. Originally thought to be a member of the Marmota genus, they were of little interest to scientists until the mid 20^th century, because of their thought-to-be-trivial classification as well as their habitat, which made observation and capture vey difficult. It was only when modern genetic analysis was used for the first time, in the early 2000, that climbing hares were officially classified as belonging to the genus Lepus. But those that started studying them after the end of the second world war had expressed doubts about their adherence to the Marmota genus long before that.

Climbing hares live on steep mountain flanks, and are able to climb almost any kind of cliff with ease. Unlike their cousins, which have developed hind-legs that give them their famous jumping ability, climbing hares have developed front legs, which made their morphological relatedness that much harder to determine. Instead of jumping, they use the overdeveloped claws of their front paws to hang onto the rock. Then they pull themselves up with amazing force, capable of projecting them several meters straight up. Their underdeveloped hindlegs serve mainly to stabilize their position before and during flight.

The recent reclassification of climbing hares has brought with it many questions. Given that the species has undergone a drastic morphological change compared to its relatives, it is believed that the climbing hares' ancestors must have been trapped in the mountains at one point, forcing them to develop new capablities to thrive in their envrionment. How, or when exactly, this seperation happened remains unclear, and mitochondrial DNA analysis is undergoing to establish the exact moment of separation from their last common ancestor with the rest of the Lepus genus. However, the low genetic diversity inside the species already leads us to believe that it must have been a small group that got separated, or that selection was especially fierce.

For the indigenous population of the Himalays, the climbing hare has always had a special meaning. They are considered to be the spirits of those that have died on the mountains, and that are now free to climb them at their will. They are seen as a good omen, and many villages regularly bring them food offerings. In those parts of the Himalayas where China is in control, climbing hares are being hunted in the name of “pest control”, which has further incensed local populations against the chinese government. But for now, the population of climbing hares remains stable, and is even slightly increasing in certain regions.

Politics that didn't Happen

As the climate crisis intensified in 2015, governments desperately tried to curb CO2 emissions. They quickly discovered that, since production costs outweighted ecological benefits, over-promoting low-emission cars or low-consumption electric appliances was actually intensifying climate change. So they tried something else.
In a rare occurence of political harmony, all OECD countries decided to introduce the one-phone policy. The rules were simple: no person was allowed to buy a new phone more than once every two years. If the phone got broken or stolen, it was possible to buy a new one, but only of the exact same make and model as the previous phone.
Public outrage peaked as the policy was introduced, but then quickly subsided. After a year, nobody cared anymore, and consumption of electrical appliances switched from quantity to quality on all fronts, and diminished emissions in OECD countries by almost 10%.
Today, the purchase of any product whose production causes emissions of more than 40 kg of CO2 is regulated by governments all over the world, and it seems that carbon emissions are well on track to reach pre-industrial levels by 2030.