The Egg

So here I am. Back in the now again. Back where I started. Not quite, true, but at the moment, it feels rather like it. The old me is acting up. Old habits. Old songs. Old feelings. They all come to life in these old walls, and yesterday seems awfully close. I went a ways, though.

I forgot who I was, tried to become who I'll be. Those kind of things. I worked my ass off lazing around. I turned everything upside down, And in the end, I got spit out again. That's how it feels, at least. A long fight for nothing. Almost nothing.

I can feel the creature inside the egge stirring. The egg that I nurtured, that I incubated. That I left for dead, that I cracked. It didn't get out of it all without a scratch. It's damaged goods at best. But it's still alive. Still kicking.

Soon, it'll hatch

Animals that don't Exist

The Motivation Leech

The motivation leech, Hirudo nomoworkus, is a species of leech closely related to the medicinal leech, Hirudo medicinalis. Found mostly in Europe, this strange animal has, for reasons as of yet unknown, but presumed to be linked to human activity, spread as far as China in recent years.

Unremarkable at first glance, and undistinguishable from its cousin, the medicinal leech, it has only recently been identified as a seperate species, thanks to sequencing of its mitochondrial genome.

Motivation leeches, as their name suggest, provoke a drastic drop in motivation in ther victims. This has traditionaly been attributed to the loss of blood, but recent studies show that there are clearly other factors at work here, since patients who simply had the same amount of blood extracted from them through medical procedures showed no signs of demotivation.

Chemicals present in the saliva of the leech, and used to prevent pain or blood-clotting in the wound, are the prime suspects for causing a drop in motivation, but studies have yet to confirm this hypothesis. But although science has only recently identified the species, a careful reading of ancient texts suggests that some people where aware of its effects long before now.

Accounts of various important political figures, and their opponents, suggest that the leech was a popular way of getting rid of ones rivals. Cleopatra is believed to have used it on both Ceasar and Mark Anthony to persuade them to leave Rome and spend time with her instead. It has also been speculated that some versions of the “Tale of Genji” suggest that the famous japanese courtier has used an extract made from the leech when trying to seduce a particularly reticent courtisane.

Whatever the truth behind those stories, it does seems unlikely that the effects of the motivation leech have gone unnoticed to this day, especially since the animals were probably used alongside regular medicinal leeches for a long time. Why no scientist has made note of it before now, though, remains a mystery. Maybe they just never got 'round to it.

Animals that don't Exist

The Christmas Fever

The christmas fever, H2N5, is not technically speaking a member of the Animalia Kingdom, but it makes such a compelling story that we found it hard to ignore, especially given the season.

A virus close to avian and swine flu, christmas fever is extremely contagious and especially present during the holidays. The reasons for this seasonal appearance are multiple and complex, and make H2N5 an extremely interesting research subject.

Like most flu strains, a weakened immune system and overstrained body due to cold climate is the most easily identifiable factor in the seasonal appearance of the christmas fever. Stress and exhaustion due to last-minute shopping and organization, as well as social pressures, weakens our defenses even more, and favorises its spread. But what really sets christmas fever apart from other viruses is another factor alltogether.

The flashing lights and brilliant colors that are seen during the holidays are very stressful cues for our vision, which, in a natural environment, will rarely be exposed to the same range of colored lights as we are during christmas. This stress on the visual system is what gives christmas fever its in, since infections occur first in the ocular lobes, and from there spread to the rest of the body. Once that has happened, close proximity to people in shops or at parties, as well as a weakened immune system, take care of the rest.

Those affected by christmas fever will display a range of symptoms, from clinginess and high sociability (favoring the spread of the virus), to rapid mood swings, eating disorders and depression (further weakening our defenses).

To prevent infection, avoid crowded areas, looking at christmas lights, and making a fuss about the whole event in general. Contact with people who seem unusually stressed out or giddy is to be kept to a minimum, since there is a high chance that they are infected.

Christmas

Holiday.

Animals that don't Exist

The Cola Bear

The cola bear, Ailuropoda cola (not to be confused with the Koala bear, Phascolarctos cinereus), is a species of bear found mainly in the highlands of the Andes, where his primary food, the coca plant, grows. A close relative to the Panda, the coca bear has a very specialzed diet, consisting almost exclusively of coca leaves, augmented by the occasional carcass.

Due to the destruction of their natural habitat, and intransigent coca farmers that shoot the animals on sight, the number of cola bears has been greatly reduced in the last half of the twentieth century. Today, the animals are considered endangered, and conservation areas have been put in place to protect the few remaining individuals. However, given the large amount of coca trees needed to sustain a fully grown bear, as well as their territorial and aggressive nature, these measures barely manage to save the bears from extinction. Luckily, in recent months, re-introduction programmes have found a rather peculiar sponsor.

The DEA has been cooperating with conservationists in South America to reintroduce the bear in regions that have become hotbeds of cocain production, in the hope that the animals will destroy the druglords' fields and lead the authorities to the criminals.

Whether or not this approach can be ethically justifiable (as mentioned above, the plan implies a large number of causalties for the bears if they do encounter coca farmers) remains a hot topic, but it has certainly attracted attention to the plight of this unique species. Let us hope attention will translate to action in the near future.

Animals that don't Exist

The Flaming Flamingo

The flaming flamingo, Phoenicopterus flammae, is one of the five members of the family Phoenicopteridae. It is, however, the only one of these to feed on land, and not in the shallow waters in which the other members of its genus find their sustenance. The flaming flamingos, unlike their cousins, do not filter water for small crustaceans or algae, but rather, they filter the air.

Found mostly in Africa, and some remote parts of the middle east, flaming flamingos usually aggregate near stale water, where air-born insects are in abundance. They then swing their long neck back and forth through the air, while keeping their beak open, to capture the mosquitoes and other bugs that serve as their main diet.

Just as with other flamingo species, the color of their plumage depends on their diet. Flaming flamingos can vary from rainbow-colored to dull gray, depending on the insects that dominate their local ecosystem. Their name, however, has another origin.

Always on the lookout for richer food-patches, flaming flamingos are invariably attracted by light, just as their prey is. When man started to domesticate fire, this proved to be a rather unfortunate trait. The large movements they make while capturing their prey meant that they almost always came too close to when they were attracted by a man-made flame, and would often catch fire. This has provoked a dramatic reduction in numbers of their population, and today, the flaming flamingo only occupies a fraction of its former range.

The spectacle of a burning flaming flamingo thrashing around screaming seemed to be both terrifying and fascinating to the ancient tribes of Africa, for they have attributed a special place to the bird in their mythology. The flaming flamingo is said to be the god of fire, and whenever he would choose to burst into flames in a village, it meant that either a great boon or great tragedy would descend upon its people. Even today, the animals are seen as sacred, although the advent of electrical lightning has greatly reduced the number of fire-related casualties.

Recently, the bird has been re-introduced in a number of countries in west Africa, in the hopes that this voracious insectivore would curb mosquito populations and diminish the risk of malaria. Whether or not this operation was a success remains to be determined, but early analysis shows promising results.

Late

The cold is on holiday, and the holidays are anything but. The weather is warm despite the season, and the heating makes it feel as if my home is a tropical island. Even outside, trees start budding, birds start tweeting, and here and there the occasional disoriented insect awakens prematurely from its yearly rest.

Despite everything they told us, winter takes its sweet time coming.