Citations that weren't Made

"In life, there are good days and there are bad days. The bad days are the ones ahead, the good days the ones gone by."

   - Unknown

Animals that don't Exist

The Money Mole

The money mole, Talpa argentum, is a species of mole the greater public is mostly unaware of, but that is well known in financial circles. Not unlike its cousins, the money mole lives in burrows, and has claws specialized for digging. In appearance, it ressembles the other members of the Talpidae family, and, at first glance, there seems to be nothing special about it. However, unlike its relatives, the money mole does not dig through the earth, but through papers of value.

Be they contracts, checks, bills of any currency, bearer bonds or IOUs, the money mole is, for reasons as of yet unknown, attracted to money in paper form, and will dig through them and make its nest in the resulting burrows.

Most financial institutions are aware of the money mole, and the danger it can pose to their wealth, and do their possible to avoid the animals settling in their safes. Among bio-economists, it is believed that the financial crisis of '29 was caused by money moles destroying much of the value owned by certain banks, which, when found, caused a crash in the stock market.

As computers became widespread and the digital revolutio began, many banks were eager to join, not only because of efficiency, but also because they believed that keeping financial data on computers would allow them to avoid the money mole problem entirely. However, it turns out that evolution would not let the fight end that easy. Money moles simply started burrowing through servers and hard-disk containing financial data.

They have undergone remarkable morpholigical changes in the past forty years, which still continue today, to adapt to the new realities of the financial world. Their claws became sturdier, accompanied by a reduction in body size, to allow them to thrive in their new habitat. Experts and financiers believe that the economic crash of 2008-09 was due to money moles destroying financial data, and thus making the value of investments disappear.

Although money moles are today almost universally regarded as a pest, they were considered differently in ancient societies. Indeed, it was popular belief that money moles were the guardians of human society, making sure that no one person or organization would accumulate an overwhelming amount of money, because this would inevitably attract the animals, which would then reduce their fortune, thus preserving a modicum of financial equilibrium between the members of a community.

Politics that didn't Happen

In 1982, Olaf Palme was elected prime minister of Sweden. Making good on his promises, he campaigned for a neutral Sweden regarding the military blocks of East (Soviet Russia) and West (the U.S.A.), and tried to implement his politics of shared security, in opposition to the then prevalent escalation of conflict.
Intrigued by this new approach, and chastised by the numerous near-eruptions of nuclear war their policies had caused, both U.S. and Soviet leaders decided to tone down their rhetoric of conflict, and see what Palme could achieve.
Shortly after his re-election in 1985, Palme managed to start a constructive dialogue with the soviets. In 1986, he organised a meeting between the russian and american ambassadors to Sweden, using his influence and international renown to mediate negociations between the two countries. By the end of his second term in office, both countries had started disarming, and trade agreements between the former enemies were implemented.
Today, Palme is credited by many as the man who not only managed to avoid an escalation of the cold war, but also, through his engagement in the conflict, as well as his support for autonmous post-colonial governments in Africa and South America, ushered in a new age of politics, were shared interests prime over individualistic power-struggles.
He is now retired, spending most of his days in Hedeby, but has recently been appearing again in the public eye as a strong champion for radical measures to combat climate change, which he calls "the worst threat to mankind since the atomic bomb."

Citations that weren't Made

"After two weeks without drugs or alcohol, I started to understand why
 everybody else always seemed so cranky."

   - Anonymous

Animals that don't Exist

The White Knight

The white knight, Columba alba, is a species of pigeon that has been bred in the middle ages, to much delight from the ladies of courts all over europe. Its name, however, has nothing to do with the color of its plumage. Rather, it is related to the peculiar behavior of the bird.

When young birds leave the nest, in early summer, they will search for humans who show particular behaviors, such as emitting high-pitched screams, flailing their arms, and spreading a particular mix of pheromones. Indeed, the young white knights are looking for a “damsel in distress”.

Once they have found one, they will attack any other humans in the immediate vicinity with violence uncharacteristic of the Columbidae genus. Their ferociousness is interpreted by the distressed person as chivalry (at least, in most cases), and the white knight will thereafter follow that person wherever they go.

In most instances, the human they “saved” will afterwards become their benefactor, making sure the white knight has enough to eat, and a roof over his head. This is crucial to the survival of the birds, since most white knights no longer have the ability to survive in the wild, and would die without the support of a human. At first thought to come to the aid only of females, it has been shown that white knights react to the “damsel in distress” signals regardless of the sex of the person.

In the middle ages, white knights enjoyed the highest regard from humans, seen as the embodiment of chivalry. However, in the new millenium, their lives have taken a turn for the worse, as owners organize duels between their respective white knights, artificially creating the necessary conditions for them to attack each other, and breeding them for ferocity and strength, rather than beauty and loyalty, as used to be the case.

As a consequence thereof, there has been a drastic increase in reports of white knights attacking people who have offered no provocation, and the Department for the Control of Vicious Animals (DCVA) is probing whether or not to require a license for the raising of the birds.

Politics that didn't Happen

After the fall of the berlin wall in 1989, the US government, under the Marshall plan, contributed huge amounts of financial aid to the now-independent countries of the ex-USSR. When asked by russian diplomats to help the ailing motherland of the former soviet union, they of course agreed readily, yesterday's enemies becoming today's partners.
In the decades that followed, with the help of american investments, Russia managed to quickly reshape its economy and maintain its position as a world power not only through military and diplomatic means, but also on an economic level. Thanks to their foresight, the USA have also profited from this new partnership, recording record growth.
Today, as we face an imminent environmental crisis, it seems that the good relations between the USA and Russia are one of the pillars that allow us to change our economy once again to adapt to the challenge we face. Russia's experience with state-planned investments, as well as the lack of international tentions due to this unlikely yet successful friendship, have made it easier to work towards the common goal of lowering carbon emissions, and, in the last five years, we have managed to cut emission rates signficantly, despite the emergence of new economic powers such as China and India, and the rapid rise of living standards in these countries.

Citations that weren't Made

"There are billions of stars in the universe, but only a couple hundred of them on earth. Now what does that tell you?"

   - Albert Einstein